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Reflection by Edgar Cahn

Typically, both partners in a marriage ceremony recite these words:  “I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

At its best, a lifelong marriage calls on the partners to undertake to affirm each other as equals — unique, special, irreplaceable, life giving and life sharing.

Yet more than 50% of weddings end in divorce. It doesn’t get better. 60% of second marriages and 73 % of third marriages end in divorce.

That break-up, that loss, can be devastating. A once-powerful bond has been broken. The dreams once shared have been lost – and with them, the faith in oneself as well as others.

This story shares how one Timebanker found it possible to trust again after her marriage had ended. To heal, she had to find a way to trust because connectediness is about trust – a special kind of trust that goes levels deep into the core of who we are, allowing us to be vulnerable to the other as well as strong.

Relationships require us to appreciate that we are interdependent, that we need each other. We are not simply exchangeable, replaceable parties to an impersonal transaction. To each, the other is precious, cared for, and caring in turn.

With TimeBanking we seek to embody these principles in every day life. Timebanking is a way to affirm core values: that each of us is unique, that we need each other and value each other, that we embrace a pay-it-forward way of relating, that we are interdependent on more than a one-time basis, and that we are accountable to each other.

This is a way of being that transcends isolated transactions. It incorporates and assumes values. The operating principles of timebanking, faithfully carried out, extend trust and make taking risk possible, make healing possible, and continuing growth possible.